Self Gas Lighting and Depression. My story.

 I was raised to be the scapegoat, and punching bag. Everything was my fault whether I did it or not. Being the only strong-minded child in that clan, I was brainwashed to believe I was stupid and ugly. I grew up alienated and love starved and I never knew why. She and my late sister schemed to destroy everything that made me happy, and that included taking my first two kids away from me, and spreading rumors all over town to make everyone think my mother was the hero and I was an abusive monster who did horrible things to my kids. She used scare tactics to con me into giving her custody because I was winning the court case to keep my kids away from her. My late sister introduced me to a man she knew was a stalker. He ended up stalking me right onto the street with two babies and he got me fired from my job. I had no emotional support and no one to help me. I refused to give in. She turned up the heat. She wanted my daughter but not my son. Now my daughter is as evil and emotionally abusive as her grandmother. I call her my foster sister. She’s not the sweet loving little girl I gave birth to.

It took a lot of compassionate strangers to telling me that the way I was being raised was wrong and showing me a better way to live before I started to wake up. The first one was the officer that picked me up from a department store I was trying to live in, so I didn't have to go home and get another beating. I was 10 yrs old. He told me how to get myself put into child services. My foster family was the first family to show me the difference between unconditional love and abuse. I never wanted to leave there but my mother used guilt trips to make me come home to more abuse and neglect. My life was threatened and put in danger because she wasn’t there to protect any of us. She chose a child molester over her own daughters and threw us under the bus for trying to expose his crimes against us. I have a spinal cord injury from all the times he kicked me in the ass for running interference every time he tried to molest my late sister. I regret doing that because she turned on me and helped our mother destroy my family.

I was so angry when it all came to light that my own mother gas lit me right out of my first two kids, my dreams for the future, and used them all as weapons to try and destroy me. It took 8 years in PTSD therapy to break through the brain washing and get my personal power back. She tried a few times to steal my third child, but I was eyes wide open by then and got sole custody of her so no one could steal her from me. I used her as my warning of how not to raise kids or be a human. Then I rose above all of the abuse, forgave them all and got on with my life. I haven’t spoken to any of them in 4 years and it’s staying that way. The last time I saw my mother she got to close and made my skin crawl. That was my clue that her reign of terror in my world is over. I got my son back when he was old enough to make his own decisions, and she got what she came with the exception of my life and sanity. She may have won a few battles, but I took that old witch down and won the war. She is living alone in her golden years because her partner in crime is dead and she put her pedophile husband into a nursing home so she could flaunt the money she made on the sale of her house. She uses material possessions and money to try and control people. I'm not for sale. 

She drove me to suicide, but I was too strong to let her win. I was living and fighting for my kids, not her.