Sept 7, 2016

Albert,

Here is the world according to me. It’s not what you want to hear. None of your fictional characters exist here so I don’t expect you to understand, but Lord knows I am fed up talking to myself.

Here’s how it’s going to go. I have two years to wait until my settlement comes in. You’re hell bent on destroying yourself, so I’m not going to waste the money trying to save your life. I put my health on the line for nothing and I feel like a fool for doing that considering this has turned out just like everything else I have failed at, thanks to you.

No matter. I will use the money to pay for the disposal of my remains and give the rest to my kids so they are taken care of and you won’t have to waste your money on a divorce lawyer. You won’t have the shame of another failed marriage and you can continue to live in your fantasy world where no one knows the truth including you.  

I’ve spent the last twelve years trying to make you see me and who I really am. You chose to ignore me and play me for the fool that I am. You used me and threw me under the bus. You used emotional blackmail and scapegoating to get out of taking responsibility for your mistakes. I told you before we met in Montreal never break my trust. Don’t lie to me and don’t screw around on me because once you break the trust I will never be able to trust you ever again.

You have been breaking my trust from day one. You fucked around on me the very first day you met me. You continued to chase women for three years after that. You made plans to leave me at the alter to go fuck some woman you picked up on the internet. And you have the nerve to think we have a bond? You made me look like a gold digger in front of your lawyer when we went to his office to change the will. All I wanted was your ex-wife out of my life but you made sure the lawyer knew I was the gold digging bitch that forced you to change your will against your wishes and wants. That’s broken trust, emotional abuse / blackmail, scapegoating, throwing me under the bus. Not even one month later you made the decision to go behind my back and sell the house,  to your minor son for one dollar. WOW more emotional abuse that I don't deserve.  That's fine. I never wanted your damned house or any of your possessions, and I told you that more than once. I wanted you, but you're emotionally unavailable to me. You just don't get it do you? I wanted your heart and your respect, but you can't give me that because you respect Kris and your heart will always belong to her even if you can't admit that. She's from a wealthy family and you are a gold digger. I'm from a poor family so I deserve to be abused and punished for that? Fuck you.  I am nothing but a sex object to you. Kris won't put out so you used me for sex and married me to stop me from running away from you until you were done with me. It's as plain as the nose on your face. This marriage is a farce and everything I believed about you is a lie.
When I found out about your sneaking around, you made up a bull shit story that scapegoated the lawyer. I'm not sure who the stupid one on this is. You for thinking I would buy that load of bull shit or me for coming back after the first time you broke the trust. Little by little, every lie, every cheat, every game chips away at this marriage until there is nothing left. I’ve been telling you our marriage is in trouble for 5 years now. You chose to blow me off and continue on with your games, lies, etc. Now I am finally at the end of my rope and ready to end this marriage to make the shit stop. You have never kept one promise you’ve made to me. Not once in twelve years. That is not love. That is not respect. That is not friendship and that is not a marriage. I gave up everything to be with you. You gave up nothing. I should have known. It’s all games and lies and being a total phony. I have played this game longer than I can tolerate and I hate myself for it. I don't want to be married to a man I can't trust. My mission in life was to make sure the abuse and bull shit stopped at me. I don't see that happening as long as I am married. You have to go. Knowing the way you move in circles without changing a thing, suicide is my only way out of the marriage. You robbed me of my dream to be wealthy on my terms. and you kept me down financially so I couldn't leave. You didn't think I would be strong enough to end my life to end this marriage. Yes it's that bad. It's every reason why I had no plans to ever get married prior to meeting you. 

Unlike you I keep my word. If you ask my kids they will all tell you that I don’t make promises I can’t keep. I don’t break my word so when I say the words “I promise” you can take that to the bank. It’s going to happen. So you need to start looking for your new soul mate cuz this game is over. You broke your wedding vows to me but I am not going to break my vows to you. I said until death do we part and that’s exactly what will happen in two years.

You care about you. You always have. You care about your ego and how people see you. You are too shallow and superficial to understand why this is so important to me. Not once have you bothered to ask why I am doing this, how I got here, what you can do for me. Not once was that humiliating intervention of yours about me. I sat there and listed to you tell me how my actions would make you feel. It’s always about you. Even when our relationship has hit critical mass and the woman you claim to love so much is in crisis all you can talk about is your feelings and you. Wow. How can I not feel so loved and cared for? You’re all smoke and mirrors with no follow through no substance.

If you want to go to couples therapy then take this letter with you because after the way you ambushed me and used my pain to play Mr. wonderful to my daughter and Dan, yet again, you are not getting a second chance to rape me emotionally ever again.  If you had any respect for me, you would have known not to expose my pain like that in a public place. You treated my secret pain like it was a fucking drug addiction and threw a bunch of meaningless words at me hoping to make it all better. Next time bring a box of bandages. It's just as cold.